


MARA

by realvibekiller (dimi13)



Category: EXO (Band), Kpop - Fandom, NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Experimental, F/M, I just have this character that wants to be written out in all her complexity, Or not, bear with me, don't really have a plot for this, it's really up to you if you want to read this (shrug), story about my female OC, will add characters as they appear
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:08:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23720581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dimi13/pseuds/realvibekiller
Summary: This is a story about a young woman who is a complete hot mess.She's lonely and alone.But hates people and socializing.Is in desperate need of help from anyone.But doesn't ask for it.She doesn't make any sense.She complicates her life for no reason.And she knows it."What even is happiness?" she asks."I don't know," I tell her, " but let's find out together."
Comments: 9
Kudos: 4





	1. One of Many

**Author's Note:**

> So, if you read the tags, then you know I have absolutely no idea what I am doing here. It's been years or a year(?? my sense of time has been skewed) since I posted any real writing anywhere. I just have this thought. This character, this person in my head that just won't leave. I know that it may sound odd, maybe, idk this is a place for people who write so maybe it doesn't sound so strange. Anyway, her name is Mara. She is very.....I don't know. All I know is that she has a story that I have no idea where it's going, but it's there and it just won't leave my head until I get it down in writing.
> 
> I'm rambling. Point is: This is a story about her. Don't mistake this for a fic about an OC/Kpop member. No. That's not what this is. This is a story about Mara. I just happen to use characters based off of and named off of kpop members. I won't go into detail about the members' lives because I am not writing about them. If what you're looking for is a romance/drama with an OC/kpop member then this is not it. This is purely for my own personal entertainment. I just needed people to fill in the secondary characters because heaven knows I will not get anything done if I create them from scratch. 
> 
> Yeah, so that's it. I don't have a schedule. I don't know when I will upload. I just don't know. If you want to stick around for the mess, that this will ultimately be, then great. Awesome. Come join me on this journey that has no clear end...or beginning, for that matter.

“Break...up?”

Mara nodded silently as she looked down at the coffee mug in front of her. They were at the cafe where they had first met. Drinking the same coffee orders they had on their first date. She could see her reflection on the surface of the black liquid before she raised the mug to her lips. The bitterness of the coffee was a welcome taste on her tongue. 

“I don’t understand. I thought we were okay. I thought you liked me-”

“I did.”Mara spoke matter-of -factly, “I did like you, but now I don’t.” She set the mug down on the table and finally looked up at the man sitting across from her. It was written all over his face. The confusion. The shock. The hurt. Looking into his eyes was the worst. Eyes that were once filled with happiness and love for her, were now filled with sadness and heartache. This moment...it was always the same. The man kept looking at her in confusion as if he couldn’t comprehend what Mara was saying. “TaeYong, I know you might not believe me, but I promise it’s not you-”

“Don’t! Please. Don’t finish that sentence. I don’t want to hear that cliche excuse coming from you.”

“But...it’s true..” Mara mumbled softly before taking a deep breath. She watched as TaeYong’s eyes began to water. He was emotional. Always the more sensitive one. Perhaps, it’s why Mara liked him so much. TaeYong could feel without restraint. Mara knew that he loved her more than she could ever love him. Did she even love him? Did she even know what love was? 

TaeYong was everything she wasn’t and that fascinated her. But fascination and intrigue could only take Mara so far in this relationship. To love so freely, without the fear of being broken, was something she just wasn’t capable of. But she watched as TaeYong did exactly that. 

There was something inherently wrong with her. Mara knew going into this relationship that she wouldn’t be able to reciprocate the same feelings that TaeYong had for her and yet, she still gave him hope. “I’m sorry, Tae.” There was nothing else she could say. She didn’t like him anymore. Her interest in him had faded and she was ready to move on. 

“Sorry? You’re sorry?”

Mara stood quiet, clasping her hands together in her lap. She had nothing more to say. The only thing that she could think was that this break-up was taking longer than she had expected it to. 

“I know we’ve only been together 4 months, but I thought we were really hitting it off. We have so much in common. We like the same foods, the same music, and we both like sleeping in on Sunday mornings because Sundays are supposed to be lazy days- you said that and I agreed! I just don’t understand where it all...went wrong…”

Mara bit the inside of her cheek as she listened to TaeYong speak. He was still talking as if they were together. Speaking as if they were a pair. As if they were compatible. The situation had turned into more of a headache than Mara wanted. “There was no moment where any of it went wrong,” she lied, because if there was one moment where it did go wrong, it was the moment that Mara agreed to be his girlfriend. “I just don’t feel the same way anymore. I’m sorry.” She looked at her phone to check the time. “Tae, I have to go. I know all of this was sudden, but you needed to know.” She grabbed her bag and quickly stood up, not wanting to give TaeYong a chance to stop her. “Goodbye, TaeYong.” Mara set her sights on the exit and walked away. She was done. She had said everything she needed to say. All she wanted to do was get this unpleasant situation over with and move on. Mara didn’t need the time that TaeYong needed to process the fact that her feelings had changed almost over night. All she knew and all she cared about was that this wasn’t her problem anymore. After all, TaeYong was just one of many.


	2. Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Man#2 and yet another way in which she complicates her life even more.

_"Mara...please...I don't know what I did wrong-"_

She could hear the tremble in his voice.

_"I can fix it. I can change. Just-"_

His desperate pleas fell on deaf ears. She had been curious as to what TaeYong had to say, but it was just more of the same boring things.

_"Give us another chance. I know we can be something. Mara...please...I miss you. So much-"_

The voice suddenly cut off and Mara was quick to delete the file. She figured she would have to endure just a few more days of this. The constant calling. The texts. TaeYong always gave more than what he would get. Mara couldn’t understand why he was like that. Not that she didn’t know what it was like to care more about something than others. She knew what that was like, but it felt like it was so long ago since she let herself do that. It was of no use to her. To give more than what others gave her. She was always the one losing and it wasn’t fair. So she stopped caring. It was the only logical thing to do to stop hurting. To keep herself from being disappointed all the time. Mara thought TaeYong should learn how to stop caring so much. 

She lay on her bed and scrolled through her contacts looking for someone, anyone, that would pick up. Maybe they'd go out for dinner and a few drinks. Her stomach growled in response. Yup. Definitely going for dinner. 

Most of the numbers in her phone belonged to men. Some who liked her. Some who despised her. The latter type, had learned just what type of person she was and they wanted nothing to do with her. Except for one. He neither liked her nor disliked her like the other men did. He knew exactly what type of person she was and, yet, he never walked away.

"KyungSoo~ I'm hungry~ Buy me food."

◇─◇──◇────◇────◇────◇────◇────◇─────◇──◇─◇

Mara could feel the analyzing gaze on her while she ate. KyungSoo was quiet but he always seemed to be thinking about something. Something about people's eyes always gave them away and KyungSoo was no exception. 

"You broke up with him?"

She nodded, her mouth full of stir fried noodles. It was KyungSoo's treat. It always was.

"He lasted longer than the others."

Mara snorted. She spoke with her mouth half full, "Well he had excellent stamina." Looking up at KyungSoo, she could tell that the man had not been amused with her joke. Mara shrugged. "I got over him. It's better to let him down now than when he starts dreaming up a future for us."

"Was he starting to?"

Mara stayed quiet. Had TaeYong thought about a future for them? Maybe. "He said 'I love you'," she downed the glass of soju in front of her before gesturing for KyungSoo to refill it, "It had only been 4 months and he said that he loved me."

"And you got scared."

An indignant scoff fell from her lips, "No I didn't." Scared? Her? As if. Mara twirled her chopsticks, tangling the noodles in her bowl. 

"I wasn't asking."

She slowly gazed over at KyungSoo. His chin rested on the palm of his hand as his eyes met hers. It didn’t look like he was judging her but it also didn’t look like he approved of her actions. Mara couldn’t figure out what he was thinking and that annoyed her, but this inability to figure it out wasn’t new. KyungSoo had always had that effect. “You think you know everything, don’t you?”

“Not really. But you’re easy to read.”

Mara suddenly didn’t feel like eating anymore and opted to focus on finishing her third bottle of soju. “Why do you always get so sentimental when we hang out?” she asked, setting the shot glass down on the table. 

“I’m not sentimental. You’re the one that gets angry when we start talking about feelings.”

She let out a breath. “Wow. Way to be honest, _friend_.” His words stung, because she knew that on some level, KyungSoo was right. Mara just didn’t want to admit it or even think about it, for that matter. It was better if she didn’t face her problems. Better for her. Better for everyone around her. 

“Friends. Is that what we are?”

His eyes were on her, tracing and burning every inch of her skin. She mustered the courage to look him in the eye. Without thinking, Mara leaned forward and pressed her lips against KyungSoo’s, teasingly biting down on his bottom lip before pulling back.

“Why did you do that?”

Mara thought it was cute how KyungSoo looked with his ears flushed red and his eyes wide with surprise. She shrugged, “No reason. I just felt like it.”


	3. Pretty Face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Man#3 and one of her many side jobs. Also a glimpse into why some men genuinely despise her.
> 
> Also...
> 
> Warning: Use of strong language, mentions of sex, blackmail, and alcohol.

Money. There are 180 different types of currencies all across the world. 180 different designed pieces of paper and circular chunks of metal that society, as a whole, has given value to. 

"Do you like it? I'll buy it for you. Wear it for me, tonight."

Mara learned the true value of money at a young age. Seeing her parents argue over money, blaming each other for not having enough to pay the bills, blaming each other for not providing enough for the kids, Mara grew up seeing and hearing all of that and learned that money was nothing but poison. It destroys a father's pride, a mother's love, a family’s unity and, most unfortunately, it crushed a little girl’s dream of becoming someone important in this world.

"We could go for drinks, after. All on me, of course. And don't worry I still have enough to deposit a little something for you in your card."

Money was poison, but it was also the answer to every single one of her problems. "Aww Babe~ You really don't have to. Dinner and drinks are enough for me." The corners of Mara’s lips pulled up into a smile as she tangled her arm around the man’s neck, bringing him down to meet his lips with hers. Smile, kiss, pretend to love him. Men were all the same. Falling for this tired and worn out routine that Mara had mastered down to the point that it became as natural as breathing. 

“Hmm~ But, I want to spoil my Princess~”

Mara pulled away to see the man pull out his phone, giving the screen a few taps before she heard her own phone ring with a new alert. 

“There. All done! Now let me go buy this dress for you.”

She smiled, letting the man kiss her forehead. It was almost endearing, how much the man cared for her. How long had it been? Two weeks? Three? Mara hadn’t been keeping track of how long she had been seeing the guy, but what she did know was that she was ten thousand dollars richer than she had been just a mere minute ago. 

“You’re gonna look amazing in it, I just know it. C’mon let’s go, we gotta get you all dolled up, Princess~”

◇─◇──◇────◇────◇────◇────◇────◇─────◇──◇─◇

She hated it there. The music was too loud and it wasn’t even good. The people were even more rowdy than usual. Mara’s date had abandoned her to dance with some blonde and busty twins, which Mara couldn’t be mad about because she didn’t care for the guy. However, a young woman, alone at the club, was like throwing a lamb in the lion’s den. Mara was ready to kick the balls of the next guy that asked her if she wanted to suck them off in the club’s bathroom. 

“Hey, there.”

Mara gripped her martini glass when she heard the voice behind her. She was definitely going to be killing the chances of this guy ever having any children in the future.

“Sorry to bother you, but you don’t seem like you’re having fun.”

She stepped to the side when the man walked up next to her to share the cocktail table. “Huh, is it that obvious? Sorry, I’ll try to look a bit more pleased.” Mara smiled sarcastically and briefly glanced at the stranger before taking a drink of her martini. She hated it there. She hated her “date” and she hated the stranger, who decided to invade her personal space in a moment where she was feeling the most uncomfortable. The stupid dress her current partner had bought her was clingy in all the wrong places and showed a little too much cleavage than she wanted. Mara wanted to hide. To crawl into a hole, away from prying eyes, and just stay there for a few days. 

“No, please, don’t force yourself on my account. I just meant that I saw your date run off with some twins earlier and, well, I wouldn’t be enjoying myself if my date had left me for someone else, either.”

Mara raised a brow at the stranger’s words. He wasn’t even hiding the fact that he had been watching her. “Do you make it a habit to watch the women in this club, or am I just the exception?” she asked mockingly as she turned to face the strange man.

“You are definitely the exception.”

Mara eyed the man. Taking a good look at the man’s face for the first time. Long face, fair skin, sharp jawline, low bridge nose, full lips, thick eyebrows, and sharp eyes. He was handsome. Incredibly so. 

“And I also happen to know that you probably don’t care about your date, anyway.”

She tilted her head, her curiosity having peaked as the man spoke. “Care to elaborate on how you think you know that?” Mara leaned on the table, sipping on her martini, finding the man in front of her a bit more entertaining than anybody else at the club at that precise moment. 

“As I said, I don’t think, I  _ know _ .”

Mara shrugged. “Alright. What do you _ think _ you know about me?” she stubbornly asked, wanting to see if she could get any reaction out of the man in front of her. She was happy when she saw the man scoff and shake his head. 

“I  _ know  _ that you don’t like him. He’s rich and good-looking, but he’s not your type. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have let him run off with those girls-”

“Or, maybe we’re in an open relationship and I like to share.” Mara smiled into her martini glass as she kept her eyes on the man, waiting for a reaction like earlier. Except that time, she didn’t get one.

“You’re not in an open relationship because I’ve already seen you turn down five guys who have approached you and you definitely don’t like to share, judging by how you flinched and moved away before welcoming me so hostilely the moment I walked up to your table. You must like your personal space.”

She stayed quiet, setting her glass down before looking the man over. He wore a black jacket, a white buttoned down shirt with the top buttons undone and his hair was styled in a way that made it seem like he hadn’t put much effort. His look was simple. Anyone looking at him wouldn’t even think twice about him. He was just another man at a club, trying to have some fun. The man was as boring and as plain as they came, except for one thing. “I like your watch. Movado. Must have cost you a pretty penny.”

“You like watches?”

“Not really. I just know enough to know that the one you’re wearing is worth close to six hundred American dollars and judging by the rest of your outfit, it seems either you spent your entire salary on that watch or,” Mara leaned and pushed her chest forward as she rested her chin on the palms of her hand, “you’re trying to pretend you're like the rest of the people, here. Just looking for a good time. You wore a boring shirt, a boring jacket, and even styled your hair to look like a typical fuckboi, so some of the more desperate women and girls would approach you.” Mara suddenly reached over and began to button up the man’s shirt, “Detective, if you wanted to know more about my date, all you had to do was ask me nicely.”

“What are you talking about? I’m not-”

“You’re investigating him for fraud and embezzlement. I already know. He pretends to have all this money and gives me an allowance just to keep his “Princess” happy.” Mara rolled her eyes at the memory of her date and ran her hands down the front of the detective’s shirt, smoothing down some of the wrinkles, “I’m nothing more than some glorified arm candy to him. I know that those twins, that he’s probably fucking right about now, are the daughters of some hot-shot CEO and he is most likely going to blackmail them to convince their dad to help him out with whatever indecent video recording he takes of them,” she tugged on the detective’s belt loops and pulled him towards her, “So you’re right. I couldn’t care less about him. In fact, Detective, it’s your lucky day because I was thinking about breaking it off with him, tonight.”

“Suppose you’re right. About me. How does the act of you breaking up with him help me?”

Mara laughed at the Detective’s attempt to keep up with his charade. “Oh, c’mon! Isn’t it obvious?” she looked the Detective in the eyes and smirked in amusement, “I’ll tell you anything you want to know about him. You want me to plant a bug on him, get a copy of his off-shore accounts or his paper companies? I’ll do it. It’s not a big deal.”

“Why...why would you do that? I get that you don’t like him anymore, but you were still together-”

“I’m going to be really honest with you,” Mara took a deep breath and let herself get serious for a moment, “I only dated him for the money. I have bills and debts to pay along with places I want to see. Call me a gold-digger, I don’t care, but I know I’m done with him. He’s given me all he can offer and it’s time for me to move on. Your very presence, here, is proof that the man I have been dating has run out of luck-” Mara hissed as the Detective roughly grabbed her wrists.

“You realize that you’ve just admitted to knowing all the illegal acts that that man has done? At the very least, that already makes you an accomplice. You’re not going to get away-”

Mara couldn’t help but laugh, “Oh, Detective, who do you think tipped the police off in the first place?” The man she had been dating was complete scum. Mara had seen him around the clubs she frequented before she had even approached him. She had heard the stories of how he took advantage of women and later blackmailed them into silence or for money. People like him, entitled money hungry parasites, were the kind of people Mara detested the most. The world was much better off without him. 

“You- You’re Mara?”

“In the flesh~ Now, if you wouldn’t mind,” Mara gestured to her wrists and the Detective slowly loosened his grip without letting her go, “You know my name, so you must also know this isn’t my first time as an informant, right?” She pulled away from the Detective and fixed her dress, which somehow had moved to reveal even more than she wanted to.

“Uh, yeah…”

Mara looked up at the Detective, noting the sudden change of tone in his voice and the aversion of his eyes in her direction, “What’s wrong Detective? Didn’t think such a beautiful woman like me would be the person you were going to be working with?” Mara teased, mostly wanting to ease the Detective’s nerves with some humor. It was true. It wasn’t her first time working as an informant for the police. She worked any odd jobs she could find. Hell, she even did Uber on the side when she was really in need of money. 

“N-no, that’s not it. Well, maybe- I’m just surprised, okay?”

Mara giggled in amusement. She was glad this was the detective she was going to be dealing with. A pretty face never hurt anyone. “What’s your name?”

“Huh?”

“Your name.” She picked up her forgotten martini glass once more and took a sip, “You know my name, so it’s only fair I get to know yours.”

“Oh, uhm, JaeHyun. Detective Jung JaeHyun.”

Mara smiled, “It’s nice to meet you, JaeHyun.”


	4. Bad Habits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her bad habits and how they lead to man#4
> 
> Warning: Mentions of mental illness, suggestive language

For Mara, all it took was coming across a familiar scent, missing a certain taste, and longing for a feeling of warmth to take her all the way back to the beginning. To the place where it all started and where everything she had left behind, still remained. 

One plane ride, three buses, and one taxi ride was all it took for her to get there, but Mara couldn’t bring herself to get out of the car. The meter kept running and the driver kept silent after Mara had handed over a stack of bills that surpassed whatever he could earn in a week. She hadn’t meant to go there. There had been a one-way ticket to Rio De Janeiro with her name on it, but in a fit of a thinly veiled anxiety attack there was only one thing that Mara could do: yearn for home.

To everyone she knew, Mara was an orphan. It was what she had told anyone who ever asked about her family. It wasn’t true, of course, but the lie was far less complicated than the truth. The truth was something she didn’t want to unpack and lay down bare for everyone to criticize. But, as she sat there in the cab, looking out through the car window at the house that used to be her home, her emotions got the better of her and tears began streaming down her face. 

Mara had a mom. She had dad. And she had a brother. The latter was the reason for why she abandoned everything, thinking that everything would be better if she was just gone. She knew that people would say that her thoughts weren’t true and that her family needed her. That they loved her, regardless of how bad things got. Of course, Mara wished for that to be true. Any daughter would like to think so. It was human instinct to trust and rely on the person who had given birth to her and to trust those who had raised her. But, the harsh reality was something else Mara also had to learn. In the end, her family had really been better off without her. 

She had left without saying good-bye. Mara had been in her bed one night and the next morning she was gone. It was a common occurrence now, but it wouldn’t have been back then. That was the first time she had picked up and left when the overwhelming feeling to flee consumed her. Mara disappeared for four months and her family never looked for her. She wasn’t trying to hide either, so if her family had filed a missing person’s report Mara would have been found, but that never happened. Mara was barely 18 years old. She supposed her parents thought she was old enough to do whatever she wanted because she was legally an adult. They were technically correct. Mara couldn’t complain or say anything when she knew she was the one that had left in the first place.

So she stayed gone. 

It was possible that the explanation for Mara’s acquired “bad habit” of dropping everything and leaving the country at a moment’s notice to satisfy her need for travel could be boiled down to something as simple as homesickness. She was searching for a home in any and all the foreign places she could think of. She, however, was looking in all the wrong places because the truth of the matter was that she already had a home. There. In that faded small blue house with a worn out black iron gate on the opposite side of the street from where the cab had stopped. That had been her home. Mara was a fool to think she could ever find anything close to that in the mountains of Nepal, the deserts of Egypt, or by the shores of Greece. Her home was and had always been in a quiet neighborhood in a city that only locals recognized the name of.

It was a home she couldn’t go back to.

It was a place where she was no longer welcomed.

But what could she do? In a moment of panic, in a moment when the feelings of loneliness and anxiousness took over, all Mara could do, all she could think of was, “I need to go home.” She needed to go to a place where she felt safe. 

“Fuck, what am I even doing here-” Mara inhaled sharply, her chest feeling tight and heavy. She ripped her eyes away from the house and wiped her tears as she told the driver to take her back to the bus station. 

◇─◇──◇────◇────◇────◇────◇────◇─────◇──◇─◇

Mara sat in her seat, located in the first class section of the plane, with sunglasses covering her puffy eyes and a glass of whiskey to her right. 

“Isn’t it a little early to be drinking hard liquor?”

She smiled softly, slightly turning her head to see the man who had so effortlessly disturbed her moment of peace, “Well it’s currently 5 o’clock in Brazil so I’d like to be ready to party by the time we get there.” Mara gulped her drink down as if to prove a point before going back to ignoring the man on the other side of the aisle. Or, so she thought.

“Ah, then I suppose your business in Rio is for pleasure?”

Mara pursed her lips before turning her attention back to the man. “My business is always for pleasure,” she looked over at the man, being completely in awe at how handsome he was, “And I suppose you’re going there for business?” She took in the man’s amused smile along with the dimple that appeared on his cheek the moment he heard her question.

“Why would you suppose that?”

“You’re giving me business man vibes,” Mara motioned to the expensive looking suit the man was wearing, “and the fact that I can see that you have a spreadsheet file opened on your laptop.” Mara chuckled when the man cleared his throat and promptly closed his laptop shut. “Don’t worry. I’m not some corporate spy sent to find out your company’s dirty little secrets. Business isn’t really my thing.”

“Then what is your thing?”

Mara hummed lowly, giving the man a once over behind her dark glasses. “Pleasure,” she whispered softly so only the man could hear. The man was both handsome and pretty. The slight blush on his cheeks and his dimples gave him just a dash of adorableness and, well, Mara wasn’t made out of stone. “You should try it,” Mara crossed her legs and made her skirt ride up her thighs even more than it already had, “I could show you.”

“I might just have to take you up on that, Ms?”

Mara smiled, “Just call me, Mara.” It was easy to forget her woes after seeing a handsome dimpled smile. Everything was easy to forget when she was always running away from it all.

“Mara. It’s nice to meet you. My name is Qian Kun.”

  
  



End file.
